So I almost died. A few times. But I am still here and stronger than ever! I was in a domestic violence situation and it was crucial and so dangerous that my friends and family swooped me out of California and back home to Minnesota.
I took a period of three years to get to know D. He told me to come out and he would be my caregiver and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Too good to be true usually is. The first few months were great until he found he could easily provoke me to dissociate by not respecting my boundary of being screamed at, especially right in my face, as he was very prone to do.
It quickly escalated and I was stuck with he, a narcissist and his mother, also a narcissist. She even tried to kill me on December 31. So. Yeah I had to go because at the end, I was under so much stress and so worried about what would happen to me that I couldn’t stop vomiting for over a week and ended up in the hospital a few times totalling almost two weeks due to that and my Long QT acting up BIG time.
The last many months, even in the hospital I would wake up drenched in sweat yet freezing cold. Apparently my heart was going to 30 beats per minute or less. They kept waking me up in the hospital because they noticed this on the heart monitor. It ends up I will require long term monitoring of my heart and also very likely a defibrillator. At 41. 🙈
My last hospital stay ended with me being locked out of my own home and thrown on the streets. Thankfully I was taken in by a Christian shelter and harbored there until my flight to Minnesota. I gotta say I met some cool people there and I really miss my nicknames “Minnesota” and “Rollers.” ☺️
I made it back home safe and most importantly, alive! I’m doing well and working on both healing and establishing myself as I was unfortunately made to be dependent completely on my abusive ex. Never again y’all!
We are in the last weeks here in southern California and I’m so fucking excited I can’t stand it. I’ll have clean air and views. I plan to dive hard into writing, and I have a number of projects… some patterns, some not. After I map everything out I should have a better timeline in regards in which to better prioritize. I can blare opera and sing and do all the weird things I do when I’m in the mode 🙈.
Walls are thin here, and my lungs large so. Yeah. Singing just hasn’t been happening much and it makes my stress and pain levels significantly worse to not kick up my body’s chemicals with my voice like I usually do to control things somewhat better. I feel like a caged bird, we’ve had a number of complaints because I am just NOT quiet lol, I have a five octave operatic range. I hurt ears okay.
My first goals are to develop two patterns, knit legwarmers and crochet travelers notebook cover. As well as continue a fiction novel I’ve got years in and a new fiction. I’m not ready for memoirs yet. 🤷♀️
We have been busy filing taxes and doing what needs to be done for our move next month. I’m so excited! The air pollution where we are is awful and I’m looking forward to being able to breathe alright again. Beginning the packing and purging and feels like we have a good grasp on everything. My life never goes this smoothly! 😅
I have been taking a break from most social media, except Twitter, I quite enjoy Twitter. I am largely focused on my journaling, writing, reading, and games. Azur Lane has become my main game besides Girls Frontline. It’s so free to play friendly and I’m already at level 50 and am doing good (I think lol) for a week in. In GFL I finally got my second legendary shotgun, I feel like I have enough good SGs and MGs to hit the next chapter work maps well once I finish leveling and linking them. I’m happy! I began Cocoppa Dolls as well… once I figure out the supporter program thing I’ll link my info in a new article. 🖤
I just picked Azure Lane up yesterday and I think I might like it more than Arknights, we shall see! I played it once before but my kids skipped tutorials so I had NO idea what I was doing. It makes a lot more sense now lol! It’s great for passing the time and I think I’ll keep it since I reached level 30 already. It’s a decent start.
LUCKILY, I managed to start on the Sandy server, which is relatively new so the timing was great. Belfast was one of the reward ships and I have enough gems I’m hoarding for most likely her Live 2D costume releasing end of this month. I sorta love it ☺️☺️
I’ll keep playing both AL and Arknights to see how they go. I do enjoy both and now that leaves Cocoppa Dolls releasing Monday (January 20th)! One thing I’ve been grateful for with my discovery of some amazing anime games is that I was able to delete most of the games off my phone, which was a significant amount lmao! Things feel much lighter these days!
I was a little late and have been busy to give it my undivided attention yet, but I am LOVING this game! Arknights is a tower defense strategy game that was globally released today.
Once I more than just cut my teeth on it, I’ll write up a better review but I have to say that I have no complaints so far, the story is lovingly cheesy (a la Girls Frontline), the characters edgy and I can’t wait to get more gameplay under my belt… welp, you know where to find me!
It’s been a hectic holiday and early year for us. We have a lot going on with the out of state move and upcoming wedding. Okay, maybe a lot is an understatement 😆
Between how I’ve been feeling and preparing to move, I haven’t been around much and for that I apologize. Things should be starting to calm down in April or so once we’ve had the chance to unpack and get settled. This weekend we start packing already!
I am a middle aged, engaged female who was born crippled. Amazingly adaptable and resilient, it wasn’t even known I was disabled until I reached my 30s. This is essentially the reason behind the name “EDS ninja:”
All of my life I’ve had to use my intellect to modify my surroundings to work for me and use items to help me do so. Sometimes, I’ve even had to modify myself… mainly with the way I think.
I spend 98% of my days on a couch or in bed and need a wheelchair to get around for any distance as my bones no longer want to even support my body. I’m currently recovering from stress fractures on my left tibia and fibula and it’s not pleasurable, but it’s my life. And, what I deal with makes me strong at a level able bodied folks can’t attain (nor understand 😆)… it isn’t a curse of God, some punishment for some misdeed, nor am I a malingerer… I was simply born with a LOT of mutated DNA.
My soon to be husband and I are about to move to our first homestead. I’ve done quite a lot of things in regards to that lifestyle before, so I know what it entails, but I’m looking forward to it. I’ll enjoy doing the “impossible” not in spite, but because I already know I got this.
I got all the drops! (Screens below👇) I had a 5 linked Px4 so I got one of her and I cored her 🙈🙈 I missed I think three days total of the Snowy Nights event so I didn’t buy out the event shop, there were some cheesecakes left 🙈 I’m overall super happy with it. I have a nice cozy dorm, scored quite a few costumes and other gem buys along with event freebies. I am continually impressed with this game. I got a large Play card from Santa 😉 and I spent all but a few bucks of it on GFL lol!
I’m quite close to the required chapter (ch8:2 of 6) needed for the new HOC system that will arrive with tonight’s update, so that is my main focus along with my HG-SG-MG team…
I even lucked out with a landmine fairy some weeks ago, so the timing was perfect on her. This team is my current project for both the next major event and night battle progression. I have some other SGs too, including a x4 linked Spas but this is my current setup.
This week brings me to end of month two of Girls Frontline and I’m still playing it more than my other games. I picked up Dream Girlfriend again, it’s been an on/off game of mine for a few years and Love Nikki daily (again). I’m waiting on 2 games to release; Coccoppa Dolls & Arknights. Lastly, I’ve been working on my video skills so I can begin making walkthroughs that folks have asked for (though there are many great ones on YouTube already!!).
Rebirth is the starting point of healing. 2020 ushers in for me a new era of beginning and 2019 saw the move that made my rebirth come about. I’ve learned a lot in the last year, much less decade. To be honest, I was quite lost and still have hard moments but I learned to slow down and pay attention.
That includes paying attention to a lot of things. In my body, in the behaviors and actions of others, in my surroundings. Paying attention keeps saving my life too. I feel like perhaps I was such a high speed, high strung, obstinate person that my health decline has been happening with the purpose TO slow me down.
Even when I was able bodied I had a gait issue I had to train myself out of at an early age, dancing helped with that as did gymnastics. I’ve been in a self internalized denial most of my life, which at my middle age isn’t something I take lightly. The older I get, the more I realize I sure can and have done some spectacularly DUMB shit 🤣
The loss of the things I was able to do actually does get easier on me as time passes. I modify how I get around myself or the things around me to assist in getting around and it works just fine for me. I’ve had to retrain myself how to write by hand and some other daily tasks others take for granted. I just don’t see the fact that I’m crippled makes me flawed. I’m not flawed. I work with my body and surroundings intellectually. I mean, we all make mistakes and poor choices as we’re all human beings after all. Why should anyone with disabilities be considered imperfect? I suppose that’s something that bothers me as I hear a lot I am too young or too nice looking to “be so sick.” It is what it is.